Pitches that land in your inbox every week. Each one crossed out, translated, and swapped for something that actually works.
What they say: We guarantee you’ll rank #1 on Google in 30 days.
What’s really going on: Nobody controls Google’s free results, and Google’s own guide to hiring an SEO says so. Usually the “#1” is for a phrase nobody searches, or it’s a paid ad.
Do this instead: Ask for the three searches they’ll target and how many people make them each month.
What they say: Our AI SEO system gets your business recommended by ChatGPT and Google AI in 30 days.
What’s really going on: Nobody controls what AI tools say, and Google says there’s nothing special to do for its AI features beyond normal good SEO. It’s the old “#1 on Google” pitch with a new sticker.
Do this instead: Make clear pages that answer real questions, keep your Google Business Profile complete, and get real reviews.
What they say: Our AI writes natural-sounding reviews in different styles. Nobody can tell.
What’s really going on: Fake reviews are fake whether a person or a robot writes them. The US FTC’s review rule covers AI-generated fakes and it has been enforcing it in 2026; the UK’s CMA has opened formal fake-review cases too.
Do this instead: Ask real customers on the day, with a QR code to your review link.
What they say: This is Google. Your Business Profile will be removed today unless you verify it with us for $99.
What’s really going on: Google doesn’t cold-call to charge you for keeping your listing. Business Profile is free. These are sales calls, or plain scams, using Google’s name.
Do this instead: Hang up, open your profile yourself at google.com/business, and never share a verification code.
What they say: Boost your Domain Authority with 1,000 high-quality backlinks.
What’s really going on: Cheap links in bulk come from junk sites built to sell links. At best Google ignores them. At worst they hurt you.
Do this instead: Earn a handful of real mentions: local press, suppliers, partners, happy customers with blogs.
What they say: Get 50 five-star Google reviews delivered this week.
What’s really going on: Fake reviews break Google’s rules and, in many countries, consumer law. Google removes them, and can put a warning on your listing.
Do this instead: Ask your happiest real customers, in person, the same day. Make it one tap with a direct review link.
What they say: We’ll set up your Google Ads once and they’ll run themselves.
What’s really going on: Unwatched ads keep spending on bad searches and tired creative. Someone has to check them weekly.
Do this instead: Own the ad account in your name, and ask to see the search terms report every month.
What they say: Just pay us $1,000 a month and we’ll handle the ad budget.
What’s really going on: When the agency owns the account, you can’t tell how much went to Google and how much they kept.
Do this instead: Pay Google directly from your card, and pay the agency a separate, visible fee.
What they say: Grow to 10,000 real, active followers in a week.
What’s really going on: Bought followers are bots or click farms. They never buy, and they drag down how many real people see your posts.
Do this instead: Post for the 100 people nearby who’d actually buy. A small real audience beats a big fake one.
What they say: Join our pod and every post gets 200 comments in the first hour.
What’s really going on: You get comments from other business owners who will never buy from you. Your numbers look busy, and your sales stay the same.
Do this instead: Reply properly to the people who already comment and message you. Those are the buyers.
What they say: Our viral formula gets you a million views.
What’s really going on: Nobody can promise viral. And a million views from the wrong country or the wrong crowd sells nothing.
Do this instead: Judge any social media help by messages and orders, not views.
What they say: Send your offer to 100,000 verified customers in your city.
What’s really going on: Those people never said yes to you. Most of it lands in spam, and in many places it breaks data protection law.
Do this instead: Build your own list: a sign-up at the till, on receipts, on your site. Smaller, but they want to hear from you.
The big picture
What they say: The system I used to make $100,000 a month. Only 10 seats left.
What’s really going on: The person often makes most of their money selling the course. The “secret” is usually free on YouTube.
Do this instead: Learn one thing at a time from free sources, and try it on your own business this week.